woah
this is what it's like to be productive. i forgot. still on the job hunt but started studying again. i can't let this college thing kick my ass anymore. its stupid to try and barely get by. i need to do work. and that's what i'm doing. no more sittin around watchin the tide roll in. i can relax when i'm dead. hello old reliable responsible kevin. nice to see you again. what's on your agenda today? oh actually doing things? not sitting on your ass?
bravo.
as for the pain. meh. b, not today. you won't get the best of me love. not today. today i'm doing things and bettering myself. today i make something of myself. today, i actually DO. no more trying. because trying is failing.
... look i aint never had a dream in my life, because a dream is what you want to do but still haven't pursued. i knew what i wanted and did it 'til it was done so i've been the dream i've wanted to be since day 1...
a lil aesop for the blood.
so is it counterproductive or coincidence that once i've started doing things and producing, that i want a cigarette again? a week without cravings, then oh look a productive day.... FIENDDDDD...
i don't get it.
i don't want to succumb to the cravings. but. i've been doing so well, should i be able to indulge in a nice menthol?
is that so wrong? will one more pack of cigarettes kill me? i can afford them... and i REALLY want one.
sigh.
well that's enough rambling and complaining for now. see even on the productive day i find things to complain about. what an asshole.
-d
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