hey hey hey mr hangman, go get your rope...

plot: college student accepts offer to spend christmas vacation with estranged family, in house in the mountains. memories of past transgressions reappear. cabin fever sets in. son ends family, after being found innocent, student writes a screenplay about the event and goes to hollywood and sells script, which turns into a major blockbuster horror film.

personal experiences are not used... entirely.

...motherfuckas act like they forgot about dre...

been a while.

in the snow again. new snowboard for Christmas. new career moves in play. maybe this whole networking thing can work out. gives me mobility. idk. came into to some money. with Christmas and all. thinkin about investing in the dre studio headphones. they sound like heaven. i gotta come into more ducketts, im headin out west for real snowboarding. not this small hill east coast shit. peace out

-the doctor

to write love on her arms

folks, the day will come where it will all be ok. don't give up the fight. never give up the fight. as someone who still wakes up with a slight uneasy feeling, i still know there's a reason i'm still here. there's a reason we are all here. were made for more than what our minds trap us into thinking we are. if i'm pulling myself out of the water, at least let me pull a couple of you out with me. there's always hope. there is always a reason you take you next breath, your next step, your next thought. there is always a reason. don't focus on finding that reason, you'll find it when you're not looking for it. it'll be there, and everything will make sense. everything will have been worth it. goodnight and God bless you all. -kevin reynolds

best friends means...

list's gettin shorter.

check here. check there.

pretty soon time to make a new list.

first thing: job.

second thing: mental clarity

"is this what you call tact? you're a subtle as a brick in the small of my back."

i hope you choke and die.

baby's coming. means he's probably coming in town right? or haha does he even care that much? i've got a 20 that says he doesn't. maybe you've figured it out already... o0o he doesn't give a fuck! NO WAY! who saw that coming?! o wait, i did. didn't want to tell you, figured you enjoyed your soapbox. raging into me? fun was it? haha. for others to be ok with your problems, you have to be ok with them. you have to have them in check. i've learned it. how bout you? liar? naw, the word doesn't even begin to describe you.

muah. a kiss to the wind for you. may it grace you, and break you. remind you of all you threw away. i hope you sit and cry to end each day. may you always remember the day you almost had me at hello. cuz i'll always know i had you at GOODBYE.

"this isn't just goodbye, this is i can't stand you."

the world is a vampire

writers block.

is it bad that im flailing at writing a blog about my thoughts and ideas? has it gotten to the point that i have no more thoughts or ideas? no.

smashing pumpkins. billy corrigan. bald head. thom wright. lifeguard station. the boyz. fun. excitement. joy.

what gives?? cold again. u havent frozen me. u have no control of me. i have control of me. i steer myself. u dont. go the fuck away. im tired of being happy then think of some bullshit reason that you upset me. fuck you. get outa my head. im tired of you. bye. gone. leave.

phew.

is laughing a defense mechanism? how do you act when shit hits the fan? when u cant control whats goin on around you? when things upset you? is laughing a way out? is forcing yourself to be happy truly mean youre happy?

or is smiling the same thing? when you see a pretty girl. what do you do when your eyes meet? smiling helps. i like smiling. and i like pretty girls. hmmm.

not so deep or literate today. but its word vomit. which way is forward? and how do i figure that out?

"they tell you to pray if you want to go to heaven. but they never tell you what to do when your whole lifes gone to hell."

...we want her gone forever, its time to let her go...

b,
i'm running out of words and breath. i can't do this anymore. it's not worth the hurt. this winter will be cold. the way i like it. let the chill thicken my blood, so that this matters never again. the only place to go is forward now. onward into the abyss. may the winds always be at your back and the sun in your face. i still believe dealing with your death woulda been easier than this. at least then i wouldn't have the pain of dreaming that you may come back. leave my dreams. leave my thoughts. leave my heart and take this pain with you. i'm sick of this. please for my sake and sanity, please just leave me be.

-d

okay i believe you, but my tommy gun don't

I am heaven sent,
Don't you dare forget.
I am all you've ever wanted,
What all the other boys all promised.
Sorry I told. I just needed you to know.
I think in decimals and dollars.
I am the cause to all your problems,
Shelter from cold. we are never alone.
Coordinate brain and mouth.
Then ask me whats it like to have
Myself so figured out.
I wish I knew..

I hope this song starts a craze.
The kind of song that ignites the airwaves.
The kind of song that makes people glad
To be where they are,
With whoever they're there with.
This is war.
Every line is about,
Who I don't wanna write about anymore.
Hope you come down with something
They can't diagnose, don't have the cure for.
Holding on to your grudge.
Oh its so hard to have someone to love.
And keeping quiet is hard.
Cause you cant keep a secret
If it never was a secret to start.
At least pretend you didn't wanna get caught..

We're concentrating on falling apart.
We were contenders, we're throwing the fight
But I just wanna believe, I just wanna believe,
I just wanna believe, in us.

Oh, we're so c-c-c-c-c-controversial.
We are entirely smooth.
We admit to the truth,
We are the best at what we do.
And these are the words you wish you wrote down.
This is the way you wish your voice sounds,
Handsome and smart.
Oh my tongue's the only muscle on my body
That works harder than my heart.
And its all from watching TV,
And from speeding up my breathing.
Wouldn't stop if I could.
Oh it hurts to be this good.
You're holding on to your grudge.
Oh it hurts to always have to be honest
With the one that you love.
Oh, so let it go..

We're concentrating on falling apart.
We were contenders, we're throwing the fight
But I just wanna believe, I just wanna believe,
I just wanna believe.
We're concentrating on falling apart.
We were contenders, we're throwing the fight
But I just wanna believe, I just wanna believe,
I just wanna believe, in us.

This is the grace that only we can bestow.
This is the price you pay for loss of control.
This is the break in the bend,
This is the closest of calls.
This is the reason your alone,
This is the rise and the fall.

We're concentrating on falling apart.
We were contenders, we're throwing the fight
But I just wanna believe, I just wanna believe,
I just wanna believe.
We're concentrating on falling apart.
We were contenders, we're throwing the fight
But I just wanna believe, I just wanna believe,
I just wanna believe, in us.

-brand new

each day, the pain is less and less. but that just means i'm learning to live with the emptiness. i'm living with the gaping hole in my chest/stomach. b, the thought of you coming home still renews hope, but it will kill me yet.

-d